Don’t Eat Nintendo Switch Cartridges for Eat What You Want Day

I know that saying this is like beating a dead horse (and not eating one of those either, preferably), but on National Eat What You Want Day on 11th May, it’s a healthy reminder. Of course, I, a dedicated game journalist, will not be tasting a Switch cartridge even though discussions of the Nintendo Switch 2 cartridges have revealed that, yes, they will taste horrible. But we shouldn’t eat them.

We shouldn’t.

All right, you strong-armed me, on this day, as a force for good, I will taste a Switch cartridge. Unfortunately, Nintendo haven’t supplied me with a Nintendo Switch 2 cartridge to taste, mostly because they apparently don’t want us to eat them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a nostalgic taste of the Nintendo Switch… cartridge. I don’t want to eat my Nintendo Switch, considering the price point of the Switch 2.

Now, for those who don’t know, let’s have a little science lesson. See, Nintendo Switch cartridges are coated with a substance known as denatonium benzoate, or “bitrex”, which is also used to stop people from biting their nails. Now, let me just point out that I am already sceptical at the time of writing this that this would stop me from tasting a cartridge and recoiling in disgust. For you see, as an anxious human being, I have been cursed with biting at the keratin from youth. My mother tried to use so much denatonium benzoate to stop me, and again, it didn’t work. I’m not sure why she thought it would; I somehow managed to lose an entire nail to nail avulsion when I was five and that didn’t stop me — don’t Google any images guys, it will put you off your cartridges — which again, stop trying to eat them. See, your cartridges are supposed to be coated with the most bitter chemical compound known to man, and yet, people haven’t stopped.

After discovering more about denatonium benzoate, I was led down a rabbit hole. Notably, the rabbit hole was this reddit thread. In this thread, a food scientist talks about how you can use your Nintendo Switch cartridges to decipher whether you’re a Normal Taster, Non-Taster, or a Super-Taster. If you’re a Normal Taster, the cartridge will be bitter and unpleasant. A Non-Taster will think the cartridge tastes of plastic with a hint of bitterness. But the Super Taster? They will gag, the switch game will be the worst taste known to man, you will look upon it and question why God has forsaken you.

Here are some pancakes to help you think of a time that didn't taste disgusting.

Admittedly, a Super Taster would have also taste-tested for poison back in ye olde days as well, so take that how you will. If we go back to the days of sampling poison, maybe don’t announce to us if you’re a Super Taster. But of course, after finding this out, I knew I had to find out: how terrible do I find the taste of cartridges? And do third-party games taste worse than first-party games? Admittedly, that’s a question that everyone else at GameGrin was wondering, and I knew I had to do this. I was bored enough to think this was the finest idea I’d ever had.

So let’s begin. To commence my experiment, I’ve taken two of my games. The only third-party Nintendo Switch cartridge I have is Digimon Survive, so that will be my first victim. And I’ll be honest, it was incredibly bitter. In fact, I’m questioning how the hell I managed to not throw up from when I bit my nails, and I’m wondering if I’ve grown weaker or stronger in terms of taste when I was five. Then it was time for a palate cleanser (for those curious, it was squash, because water does not give me joy). Now that I know that Digimon Survive tastes awful, it’s time for me to move on to my first-party game. Once, of course, I cleanse my palate.

This is the face of a woman who has just watched us lick Nintendo Switch cartridges and you can feel her disappointment.

To decide which of my first-party games, I first had to decide which I would play without feeling remorse. So, of course, I went for Super Mario 3D All-Stars. I love my Fire Emblem games too much, The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild is too good, and honestly, I don’t want to put a Pokémon game in my mouth after just putting in a bloody Digimon game. I’m not opening that can of worms. So, Mario is the safest bet. 

Mario, questioning the taste of the Switch cartridge and, admittedly, everything about this article.

I’m not sure if I made myself fairly immune with the power of Digimon Survive, but Super Mario 3D All-Stars actually… didn’t taste as bad. Or at least, it had a bit of a slower reaction. Which makes me think that perhaps first-party games do taste better. I’m not sure what to do with this information.

But anyway, this has been my scientific research. Switch games taste bitter. I would not be tasting poison for my lords in a feudal realm, and third-party games do seem to actually taste worse than first-party games. Just don’t try this at home, kids. Eat anything else, just not these.